I was a student of sociology at the premier university in Nigeria (University of Ibadan). In sociology, I was taught that significant others include those you share romantic relationships with. Now, to spice things up and at the same time, in trying not to be rude, the title of this post is called insignificant others. You might be wandering, why insignificant? You would notice that I’m not using insignificant to mean those that are not relevant to you. As a matter of fact, they should be the most important to you. I’m talking about the family, especially mom and dad.
I’m not a parent, but I happen to have had experiences with both of them.
Your parents are those that gave birth to you and are supposed to be the ones to take care of you. As youths, we think it’s quite annoying to share things with your parents.
That was what I felt when I started dating. In fact, no one knew that I was dating until I told them about two years. Your parents are meant to be the closest to you, but as we all would’ve noticed, it always seems like they don’t get us and truly, they don’t. I mean, if you take time to actually ask them questions about teens and youths, they’d look at you like you’re insane. For those who have the kinda parents that actually think like teens and youths, I envy you. Sometimes, you should be careful what you tell them and also, try to filter what they say, because, they could be lying.
I’m gonna tell a personal story that could be of help to us teens and youths. As I said, it was about two years ago that I told them that I was dating someone. Due to my upbringing and the nature of the training I got at home, I was quite scared to tell them anything about my dating life. ➕, they never even asked. Anyway, I decided that I was gonna turn the tables around and actually hear what they had to say about my dating the girl I dated back then. As I asked out the girl and she responded, the same night, I told my parents that I had a girlfriend. First of all, I had to muster courage to have told them that I had a girlfriend right? Their responses just crushed any hope I had in them about dating. These were their responses, “is she pregnant?” and, “good, don’t start spending my money on her”. These responses actually crushed my feelings into pulp. I was sad af. Anyway, I decided that I wasn’t gonna feel bad. But, these responses only proved to me that without doubt, they had no interest in my love life. They were so passive about it.
Now, I notice that because of the parents that we are all blessed with (believe me, it’s a blessing) and mainly because of the fact that don’t really see things from our perspective, we tend to make certain mistakes that eventually smear nasty stains on our lives. These mistakes could be prevented if we actually have faith in our parents. Yes, they could be so busy attending to other things asides us, they tend to disregard any of our concerns and at times, tend to scorn our feelings, but have a little faith in them. I see some of my friends that actually sleep around because they feel that their parents are too busy to care anyways, some of them even get girls pregnant. But, if we have a little faith, as little as a microscopic organism, some of these things could be prevented.
What to do?
For those whose parents are too busy doing other things, I suggest that you call them and tell them with all seriousness that you want to discuss something with them. What you do is that you arrange the meeting like a date, or more or less a dinner, then tell them all you have kept a secret for long (but, be careful what you say). While you tell them, you come add some spice….
……you could try to add some tears to drive home your point. The reason is not just to shed tears but to let them know how serious you are. When you do that, you’ve caught their attention.
So, now attention caught, you tell them all your mind and then you wait for their responses. You’d most likely hear something like, “son/ daughter, you know that we have to work to let the family run smoothly”. These are excuses and all you can do is to listen. At least, you’ve dropped something in their minds. You’ve told them that they need to focus more on you and your siblings; if you have any. You’d notice that they would change their attitudes towards you from there on out. ⚠ :don’t be disgusting while crying or while you’re trying to drive home your point. The reason is busy parents tend to be disgusted at the slightest thing.
For those whose parents disregard their desires and their feelings, you could organise a dinner or just sit your parents down to ask them why they do what they do. They will be surprised at the kind of question you ask, but, don’t be put off..dont quit. They would most likely say, “son/ daughter, what do you mean?”. Then, you would ask again, why do you do these things?…. Then you’d make known your point.. Like, “why do you always ignore my feelings?”, make them know that you have been trying to tell them something since about your life and then make them know their flaws as to the fact that they always ignore things you say. You would have to sound mature…. Add a little something I call the mature game.. It goes thus, “you know I’m all grown up now” or “I’m not a kid anymore”. This is to make their eyes open to the fact that you’re growing up. The reason you need to mention this is because to them, you’re still a child no matter what; (which you are). Even if you are, let them know that you’re not a baby, you’re becoming an adult. That should work. ……I hope… 😂
For those who have parents that scorn their spoken feelings. To these people, it becomes quite psychological, in the sense that children with this kinda parents tend to be inwardly concentrated, that is, they are introverts. They begin to expand their tentacles to think that every adult would do the same if they talk about their relationships. To you guys, tell them your mind. Now, they would most likely scorn you again as before. But, when they do, do what I would do..it’s called the hide-and-seek game. This game has a goal; when your absence is felt by your parents, they would find you. When they do, they would get all emotional, asking why they haven’t been seeing you. Your response should sound like a punchline 👊 . Something like this would suffice, “my presence in this house is a joke. Why should I then be outta my room?”. Now, you wouldn’t say this with anger, you would say it with an emotion in between sadness and quite disappointed. When they ask what you mean, then, present your case. The reason you should follow this process is because you have them on a leash. You’ve placed a caution already in their hearts. They cannot laugh at you or scorn your feelings. When you’ve explained their flaws, then, wait for their reply. At the end of the conversation, they might tell you that you should always be free to talk to them about anything, then, you hit them with your heartfelt concerns. #spice.